You never know what is under the dirt

Yesterday it was put the flower boxes away and clean up the back yard a little bit Day!

Some of you may remember that we have a new dog -- SULU!  My big guy loves plastic.  He likes frozen water bottles.  He chews and shreds the plastic until he gets the ice chunk out and then he is done.  Needless to say the backyard is littered with pieces of plastic.  And he can't figure out that I don't want him to shred my plastic flower pots either.  So - he got a hold of one of my dead planters and spread the dirt all over the concrete patio.  But it had a silver lining.  When I was cleaning up the dirt and washing off the patio, he was running through the hose and got soak and wet.  I think he is part fish.  HE LOVES WATER!  And it gave me a great laugh.

Any who -- back to the deck flower boxes - 

Everything was dead except for a few geranium blossoms.  The rest was twisted, dry and had seen better days.  I was attempting to save the soil so I could use it next year.  In these flower boxes in their hey-day, there were geraniums, pansies and sweet potato (ornamental) vines -- they were very beautiful and brightened up our deck - that is in desperate need of a stain job (subject of another blog perhaps)

While I was pulling up the vines and dumping them in a bucket, I kept getting these purple "tuber potato things".  And I couldn't figure out what in the heck was going on.   The flower boxes are not very big and there is little space for root system let alone POTATOES.  

I was nervous that maybe they were some weird version of a sweet potato that was poisonous.  But Sulu got a hold of one and ate it and he didn't vomit or keel over so they must be okay.

But this got me thinking.  When we are all dried up and think we have served our purpose, (in other words, spent) there is always something under the surface that surprises us.  It is hiding.  No one can see it except us.  And the painful part of pulling the old dry, twisted remains of our previous lives reveal  what is under that surface.

Who knows?  Maybe we all have cute little purple potatoes under all those dead things every one can see.  We just need to do the painful work of removing the old vines and putting it to bed for the Winter and "harvesting" what is underneath.

Another Saturday Morning Coffee Pondering

Up and at em on a day that I wanted to sleep late.  Something woke me up at 6:00 am (oh yeah, bladder yelling "empty me") and then the coughing began.  Just as I am beginning to doze back off, the cat began his scratching (as much as Cecil can scratch without front claws) on the bedroom door accompanied by "cat"- erwalling.  This is a sure sign that he wants to be fed.  Normally the big dude is sleeping locked in the basement so I can't hear his requests for food (he is so neglected!) that begin at 4:30 am.  But we have house guests (son and daughter-in-law [that's fun to say], daughter, and adopted nephew) so he wasn't able to stay in the basement last night.  And Curtis got home late from a dance and has one tonight so he needs to sleep late this morning.  So I got up with him and at this point all three dogs are awake too.

So here I am sitting at the table, drinking my dark roast french pressed coffee with a splash of milk, freezing my feet off (WHY DIDN'T I GRAB SOCKS?), and pondering my past blog posts.

I then realize that I did not post about the wedding.  I should have done it right away because the post nuptial emotional bliss would have been very inspiring to my prose, but alas, getting caught up on other things (LIFE) took a front seat.  So here goes.........

It was really, really great!  No that is not going to be all...........

The few days leading up to the weekend were very emotional for me.  I was crabby, crying at the drop of a hat, and it didn't help that Curtis and Chris started a photo shop "contest" on Facebook.  This was my favorite.

Baby picture of Christopher in his walker at about 8 months.
Yep - back in the day when it was still legal to use a walker

Part ONE of the wedding:

The whirlwind weekend started pretty calm as things should start.  On Friday we packed up clothes, dresses, suit, shoes, rehearsal dinner supplies that were assigned to me, flower arranging supplies, and OH YEAH -- cookies and away we caravanned with the Dodsons to Chi-town.  We left about 7:30 am and knew the drive in would take awhile.  Arrived at a very beautiful Hilton hotel near O'hare Airport.  Brandon Hansen our wedding planning check him out here at Northwest Iowa Wedding and Event got us a great deal on rooms.  He is amazing and so detail oriented.  If you need an event planned, don't think he just does NW Iowa.  He has done events in Des Moines, now Chicago and all over the place.  It was beautiful, got checked in and then awaited everyone's arrival.  The first event was the bachelor and bachelorette parties.  I decided to skip those events and just grab a bite to eat with the Dodson family and hang at the pool for the night.  Good decision it turned out as it was a raucous night.  Keetah and I offered to drive the girls downtown to the embassy suites as the maid of honor had rented a suite there for the night for the bachelorette party.  I was concerned about the country bumpkins taking the "L" when they weren't familiar with it.  It was a great decision for them, but not for me.  TRAFFIC was AWFUL!

Here they are getting ready to hop aboard the Dean Bus Line

And here we are stuck in traffic trying to get downtown

While I was hauling the girls downtown.  The boys were departing for their adventures with the bachelor party.  Oh Lord........we already had the discussion to NOT call me if they ended up in the Cook County Jail.  Just appear, bond out on own recognizance and get your butt to the rehearsal tomorrow afternoon!

A motley crew indeed!

 A Pirate hat?  Really?

So a big party for both, no arrests, and a few overly drunk attendees but no worse for wear.  The next day Keetah, Brandon and I converged on the event center - The Irish American Heritage Center - to begin the decorating process.  The bridesmaids were going to meet us there to help, but alas - think about the bachelorette party the night before - it was not to be.


The center is an old converted high school.  The room we were in was the "gymnasium".  It is gorgeous with old chandeliers and the BAR!  Beautiful.  Here are a few pictures prior to decorating.

This was the restored bar

The center's "gynasium"

Great chandeliers

So after the decorating was mostly done.  We headed back to the hotel.  The families were off at the "entertainment district" by the hotel checking out places to eat, etc.  We met up for a group picture.  Great job Curtis and your camera timer!

By the time we got everything done, it was time to head to the rehearsal.  There were a few things to tweak decorating-wise and the show could get on the road.

So serious walking his momma down the aisle before the rehearsal begins

After a great quick rehearsal, we descended to Bob and Emily's house for a backyard bash.  They put on a great feed with amazing food, great drink, and awesome company.

The evening culminated in a hotel get together of all the wedding party, family and friends.  Thus making it a very long morning for this mother of the groom.  Part two of the wedding extravaganza will be posted later with wedding photos, tear-filled memories and party pictures.  Check back!!!!!

Playing Small

What if I lived in a world where every time a comment or thought entered my mind, I spoke it?  Now readers, you may think that it would only include insults and or snarky comments.  But in fact it includes compliments, encouragement, and supportive questions as well.  When at a drive thru one day, I asked to speak to the manager.  The manager came to the window and had huge concern on her face.  I took the opportunity to compliment the person that took my order.  Apparently that doesn't happen very often and she was shocked that it was not another customer that was complaining.

This week has been a challenge to not be in that world of free thoughts and expressive comments.  SCRUB fans!  I am stealing their mojo.  I love when a scene plays out that is in someone's head like it is real life and the viewer goes - HOLY STUFF - but then realize it is just the characters thoughts, then they respond "appropriately".  But what is "appropriately"?  And who made those rules?

If I disagree with a statement or a criticism of something I did, then why can't I express my outrage in what ever way I want about that?  Some one said to me recently that I needed an attitude adjustment.  My "Scrubs" response was a quick punch to the center of their throat.  Now, while I know those responses would likely land me in prison, the better response was "why do you say that?"  Of course the person that expressed that opinion was put out that I would question my need for an adjustment or at minimum an explanation for their statement.  They felt entitled enough to say it and and thus "the decree is so".   Now I will tell you that this comment was attached to a penis.  That entitled thought process in my experience usually comes with a penis attached.  True entitlement happens that way and we in society wrap it up in a fancy little bow for them.  My need for an attitude adjustment didn't coincide with how the person thought I needed to act.  My need for an attitude adjustment coincided with how I didn't play small in that particular incident.

But this leads me to take this a step further and think about responses when I am "playing small".  What does playing small mean?  It means acting like you don't know how to do something so as not to "hurt another person's feelings" or taking a back seat on a project because you are not as important in the mix of colleagues.  Or it is any time you don't express your opinions or ideas to make another person feel more important.  PLAYING SMALL drives me crazy and I find myself doing it more and more just to appease the situation I am in - only later to get royally TORKED off about it.

So I turn to my friend GOOGLE.  Marianne Williamson says this about playing small:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

"There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you" - OH MY WORD!  Why do we do that?  Does it come from that ingrained societal themes of not feeling worthy?  I think so.  Do women do this more than men?  Absofuckinglutely!  From the moment the doctor proclaims the sex of the child as a female, the societal expectations begin.  Young girls - 6, 7 8 - they tell it like it is, they express themselves freely, they are independent thinkers.  Then we hit those double digits - 10, 11, 12 - it is at this point that girls start to play small.  Don't want to stand out.  Reviving Ophelia (Mary Pipher) is a great book that talks about this phenomenon and what we need to do as MOTHERS, FATHERS and the VILLAGE raising them to combat this.  But it is really really really hard.  As a grown ass woman I am still playing small.  I really really think that when we all STOP doing this, there will be no more comments like "legitimate rape".  There will be no more "consistent raping of our person" - words used by a friend that rung so true in the context of our conversation.  There will be no more "battered women and children".

I joke about revolution a lot.  But this is part of that.  When we become stronger and stop playing small, the revolution for empowerment and strength begins.  When we stop playing small, young girls will not have to take a back seat in class, on the sports field, or in their own homes.  When we stop playing small, battered women and rape culture will be a thing that anthropologist study.

Not playing small = revolution.  Let IT begin!

Watch out now!  You MAY get a punch to your throat.  Just kidding........really........am I?