Playing Small

What if I lived in a world where every time a comment or thought entered my mind, I spoke it?  Now readers, you may think that it would only include insults and or snarky comments.  But in fact it includes compliments, encouragement, and supportive questions as well.  When at a drive thru one day, I asked to speak to the manager.  The manager came to the window and had huge concern on her face.  I took the opportunity to compliment the person that took my order.  Apparently that doesn't happen very often and she was shocked that it was not another customer that was complaining.

This week has been a challenge to not be in that world of free thoughts and expressive comments.  SCRUB fans!  I am stealing their mojo.  I love when a scene plays out that is in someone's head like it is real life and the viewer goes - HOLY STUFF - but then realize it is just the characters thoughts, then they respond "appropriately".  But what is "appropriately"?  And who made those rules?

If I disagree with a statement or a criticism of something I did, then why can't I express my outrage in what ever way I want about that?  Some one said to me recently that I needed an attitude adjustment.  My "Scrubs" response was a quick punch to the center of their throat.  Now, while I know those responses would likely land me in prison, the better response was "why do you say that?"  Of course the person that expressed that opinion was put out that I would question my need for an adjustment or at minimum an explanation for their statement.  They felt entitled enough to say it and and thus "the decree is so".   Now I will tell you that this comment was attached to a penis.  That entitled thought process in my experience usually comes with a penis attached.  True entitlement happens that way and we in society wrap it up in a fancy little bow for them.  My need for an attitude adjustment didn't coincide with how the person thought I needed to act.  My need for an attitude adjustment coincided with how I didn't play small in that particular incident.

But this leads me to take this a step further and think about responses when I am "playing small".  What does playing small mean?  It means acting like you don't know how to do something so as not to "hurt another person's feelings" or taking a back seat on a project because you are not as important in the mix of colleagues.  Or it is any time you don't express your opinions or ideas to make another person feel more important.  PLAYING SMALL drives me crazy and I find myself doing it more and more just to appease the situation I am in - only later to get royally TORKED off about it.

So I turn to my friend GOOGLE.  Marianne Williamson says this about playing small:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

"There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you" - OH MY WORD!  Why do we do that?  Does it come from that ingrained societal themes of not feeling worthy?  I think so.  Do women do this more than men?  Absofuckinglutely!  From the moment the doctor proclaims the sex of the child as a female, the societal expectations begin.  Young girls - 6, 7 8 - they tell it like it is, they express themselves freely, they are independent thinkers.  Then we hit those double digits - 10, 11, 12 - it is at this point that girls start to play small.  Don't want to stand out.  Reviving Ophelia (Mary Pipher) is a great book that talks about this phenomenon and what we need to do as MOTHERS, FATHERS and the VILLAGE raising them to combat this.  But it is really really really hard.  As a grown ass woman I am still playing small.  I really really think that when we all STOP doing this, there will be no more comments like "legitimate rape".  There will be no more "consistent raping of our person" - words used by a friend that rung so true in the context of our conversation.  There will be no more "battered women and children".

I joke about revolution a lot.  But this is part of that.  When we become stronger and stop playing small, the revolution for empowerment and strength begins.  When we stop playing small, young girls will not have to take a back seat in class, on the sports field, or in their own homes.  When we stop playing small, battered women and rape culture will be a thing that anthropologist study.

Not playing small = revolution.  Let IT begin!

Watch out now!  You MAY get a punch to your throat.  Just kidding........really........am I?