The last time I was on a 'date' as a single woman? I was 19. That was almost 30 years ago. Back then we didn't have dating apps, match.com, etc. We had the college union, in-person social groups, and bars. We still have that now, but it has stepped up a notch. It is evident to me that technology has taken over in this realm. It has evolved in the last 30 years and I have discovered that it is a minefield to navigate. And with smartphones, it is at your fingertips 24/7. So "dating" doesn't happen from 7:00 pm until 12 or 1:00 am. It's a 24/7 discussion, chat, video exchange with replies and responses waiting in in-boxes with anticipation for a reply.
I was introduced to this online site - I am not going to give them advertising here for many reasons - but just say that it was one of the many sites that also has an app for my iPhone.
So how do you get started?
Step 1: Choose a site. I chose this particular one because *children warning* (you will see these throughout my blog and it is a trigger for my kids to stop reading) it has a reputation for being a 'hook-up' site because I am not looking for a serious relationship and yes I was only looking for a hook-up. Leave your judgement at the door people.
Step 2: Set up your profile. Those four words have never been more threatening and intimidating. What words do you use? How much do you say? What pictures do you use? How much personal info do you give? As a person that dislikes (OKAY HATES!!!!!!) her own selfies……..this was so very hard. What do I wear? How does my hair look? What should be in the background? Should I take the picture in the mirror full body (YIKES!) or just my face? Do I put my REAL age on the profile? Well I decided to do one picture with just my face and upper body. My profile is brief yet to the point and has the word 'fun' in it about six times. Yes my real age is on the profile. I assumed that meant that I would only get 'hits' from those my age. More about that in a later post.
Step 3: Await the responses. Now this part. I had my own personal rule. As I am surfing through the site with pictures scrolling by of 'available' people, I would not reach out to a person that I was interested in. I would wait for them to approach me. I thought: "This will be safe. Not many people will reach out. A couple maybe. No big deal". HA! WRONG! Right away within minutes, the discussions began.
Step 4: The chat. What does one talk about with a complete stranger as you are typing? Most of the time it starts with:
Me: Hello
Mr. Chat: How are you?
Me: I'm great. You?
Mr. Chat: I'm great as well.
(Here is where it takes one of three turns)
Direction 1:
Mr. Chat: So what are you looking for on this site.
Me: Just friendship and chatting right now? You?
Mr. Chat: The same. Tell me a bit about yourself.
Me: *blah blah blah*
(and that goes back and forth for a little while)
Direction 2:
Mr. Chat: So what are you looking for on this site.
Me: Just friendship and chatting right now? You?
Mr. Chat: I am looking for my soulmate. I think you are her.
Me: *Shaking my head*
Direction 3:
Mr. Chat: Wanna see my penis?
Me: Sure *see previous desire for a hook-up*
Mr. Chat: *sends said penis* Your turn.
Me: NOPE. I don't have a penis. :P
Step 5: The disengage. This should be the easy part right? Ignore, Block, Decline. And in most cases it is. The weirdos move on to a different person. Those that are persistent keep trying over and over again until I must block them. And DON'T EVER feel bad about BLOCKING them. At this point they are strangers on the other end of a keyboard. You owe them nothing.
So that is the quick and dirty on an internet dating site/app. My only words of wisdom for whatever they may be worth…….TREAD LIGHTLY AND BE WARY…… NOT ALL IS WHAT IT SEEMS.
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