A basket is passed around the pews with brightly colored STARS with a single word placed on them. The idea is to pick that word and it will have meaning to you throughout this next year. As a star gift, it will mean either the gifts I possess that I will use this next year or a gift that I need to recognize and obtain.
Last year my gift was "crafty". When I drew that one I was confused and it took me almost a half a year to figure that one out (and really not sure at this writing if it is correct or that was the intent). Was it because I was learning from a great teacher how to construct or re-purpose things? Was it because I was to figure out a "crafty" way to communicate, move through and express my thoughts with others? I say both because both of those things are and have happened.
The year before that my word was "sabbath". That one didn't take me as long to work through. I "pulled" that gift at a time when I was working seven days a week and all thoughts and feelings had to do with a job. There was not time for me and reflection and being still. Many changes since then in my life and I think that I am working harder at having 'sabbath' time. Or time to just be. I think it is taking a bit longer to rework old patterns and habits. But I am aware and will keep working on this one.
This year I happened to be at church in Spencer (even though I live three hours away) for the service of Epiphany. Epiphany -- A sudden realization about the nature or meaning of something - is the official definition according to Google. For me that is a big part of the Star Gift exercise. What do we need to know about ourselves through this process? It is an opportunity to open our minds and reflect.
Like I said, these "star gifts" are beautifully constructed on construction paper made into this many point stars. If you are close enough to me or are visiting, ask to see it the next time we are together. It is usually in my purse or in my car to remind me of what I need to remember. The basket is passed through the pews and all the stars are upside down so we can't see the words. As it slowly comes toward me. I spot this amazing bright pink one. I grab it. Pass the basket to the next person. Turn it over slowly and the word is - RESTRAINT.
Well, I immediately chortle. How many lectures, looks, and sighs have I been given about restraining my tongue or my attitude? Countless amounts. One of my earliest memories is hearing the words "um....Rhonda......we don't talk about that" sometimes reinforced with a backhand. So on the surface level, I thought this was going to be interesting. Maybe this was the long awaited permission to start exacting revenge through restraint on those that are annoying me - think rope and duct tape (just kidding. Am I?)
But seriously, I have had a couple weeks to process it and many other ideas of "restraint" are coming to me. Using restraint when I speak my peace doesn't mean that I don't say what I feel. I means that I say it in a way that can communicate the meaning without hurtful words. But at the same time not holding back because I am scared of how this will affect the person or the situation When a person comes from a place of "we don't talk about that", it is really difficult to talk about it. It is breaking old habits that have worked in the past. They don't work for me anymore. Keeping it inside is not helpful or healing to any one.
So even though rope and duct tape restraint or restraint from sharing my thoughts and feelings are not what this is about, I can imagine that I will process this star gift many more times this year. I may even have an entirely different take on it by my next Epiphany.
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