Public Toilet Procedures

Okay - I bet you are totally trying to figure out what the heck is coming next.

Well you guessed it - people's public toilet procedures.  Particularly women's (although I have been known to occasionally use a men's room when the line is too long) because I am not sure what happens in the urinals or troughs or individual stalls.

So have you every wondered as you are sitting in the bathroom doing your BID-NESS what other women do when they close that stall door.  I think about it.  I know.......I think I may need a hobby.

I hear that inevitable bathroom door open and then stall door close.  This is the point when I say, 'come on, couldn't you have just given me a little more time?  Now I have to worry about the noises I make since I WAS the only one in here'.  All this in my head of course.

But the only thing that women do that is consistent is opening the bathroom door and closing the stall door.  From that point on, it is a free for all of strategies for cleanliness.

I could keep going about the cleanliness of the bathroom but that might be reserved for another post.  A once work neighbor told me that she judges restaurants by how clean the bathrooms are.  She said that "if the bathroom is clean, the kitchen is clean" - so she will eat there.  I tend to believe her although it is very rare that I say "could you wait to sit us until I check out your shitter".  Although I might get away with that if I travel to Missoura or Arkansas.

Any way what I want to discuss is what do you do when you close that stall door?  Every person has their habit.

Do you look for the hook to hang your purse and coat?  If there isn't a hook for your purse, do you put it on the floor?  YIKES -- See previous comment about cleanliness.  Do you hold it in your lap while you are peeing.  AWKWARD at best.

Do you pull the toilet seat cover paper thingy out and try to position it on the toilet cover so as to avoid germs and coodies from other folks?

Do you take strips of toilet paper and line the seat rim and then sit down?  What happens if one of those strips sticks to your butt?  Then what?

Do you take toilet paper and wipe the seat down as a pseudo-sanitizer?

Or do you squat/lean/hover pee over the top of the seat so as not to touch anything?  And if you do, be honest -- have you ever peed on yourself?

Or do you just sit and let her rip?  The hurried, relief of a pee.  There is nothing like it.  OOPS!  I digress.

As I sit in the stall contemplating the noises coming from the other stalls, I imagine that I can tell what other folks are doing?  I can tell when Suzie Tennis Shoes is placing precise strips of toilet paper on the seat so as not to touch her skin to the seat where other skin has rested.

I can tell when Jamie Cute Heels is hovering because her feet are shaking underneath the stalls.  Not that I am looking THAT close.....really......I am not.

Or when Felicia Flip Flop is using her hand sanitizer on toilet paper to actually clean the seat before she plants herself down.

So what do you do?  And why do you do it?  Are there really any germs that can live that long on a public toilet seat?  If there are germs are they going to absorb thru your skin or are you rubbing your lady parts all over the seat?  (Okay that may have been a little too much - sorry about that)

Me?  I am all about the sit and let her rip.  Which reminds me the topic of my next blog is going to be "sounds heard in the public bathroom".  Because if you can't let it rip - literally - in the bathroom, where can you let it rip?