In most cases, that is how I start an exclamation that is an exasperation. Usually it goes something like "Holy Buckets Batman". Makes no sense I know, but it makes me feel good when I say it.
But today Holy Buckets should actually be spelled HOLE-Y BUCKETS. My bucket feels full of holes. While it could be an exclamation, it is just a quiet statement that expresses how I feel when I am spent. All the energy and life joy is drained from my bucket that today looks like swiss cheese.
A really good friend is going through the most difficult struggle and I want to help her as much as I can, but no words can repair it. Not enough hugs in the universe to make it better. One day things are great and plans and dreams have been discussed and decided. Within hours, that has ripped apart.
Her bucket is like a bomb went off and there are metal shards strewn about the house. The process to repairing that will take so much time and energy and today she tells me that she is not sure how she can survive this.
My heart breaks.
She has within her to know what will repair her bucket. The shards are just too sharp for her to remember what it takes. The wounds are too raw and fresh.
Talking to her on the morning that she finishes the public process of saying goodbye to her husband, the pain is so very sharp. No words work. We always wish we had the correct thing to "fix" it. That elusive magic wand.
I don't say, "time will make this better" because today I am not confident that it will make it better.
Today she moves through the grief like a fog. Tomorrow I hope for her she can start the healing journey. I do know that the only thing I can do is try to bring out a welder to help repair her bucket and tomorrow she can take over the welding rod to mend the joints. As soon as that bucket is put back together, she can begin to fill it again.
Your friendship is a "weld" in that bucket ! Julie is strong and knowing you are a phone call or drive away I KNOW is a great comfort to her .
ReplyDeleteYou are right , time doesn't always make it better , it dulls the pain a little , but then when you least expect it , it is there as sharp and clear as the first day ( even 20 years later ) .
But I feel that is a testament to those we love and loose. If we didn't love them so much it wouldn't hurt so very badly when they are gone .
With the joy comes pain , with the rain comes the rainbow, and so it goes .
Just do what you do best . Be a friend . Be there with a hug , an encouraging word , or a glass of wine ( or in this case , a bloody mary ) .
Hugs to you and Julie today . I will be thinking of you both and sending as much positive energy your way as I can ....