My frustration with change this week.......

Hello peeps......I haven't been in the present when it comes to blogging and I am really trying to keep it going.  Saturday mornings are my "blog times" and when I am gone away from my house and/or computer, I can't get it done.

Because of this, I decided to talk about my frustrations:

1.     Getting my posts done when life, etc enters in to my brain:

I always have some thing to say -- those of you that are reading this that really know me are chuckling.....admit it you are......But for some reason if I am distracted or not home or "insert other random thing here" then I don't get it done.  I could blame it on ADHD......SQUIRREL.........but that would be a lie.  It really is that my space gets filled and I don't have the energy to add any thing else to it and unfortunately that includes taking a few minutes and writing a post.

2.     Geting older (NOT OLD, JUST OLDER) which is causing my body to have issues:

Now even though I joke about it, I realize that I am far from "OLD".  Although, the realization that I am probably half way through my life smacks me up side the head periodically and brings a sweeping sense of sadness that I shake and shrug off and keep moving forward.  But what my body is trying to tell me is "LISTEN BITCH, YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN BETTER CARE OF ME WHEN YOU WERE 20 AND EVEN 30 -- IT IS PAY BACK TIME".  From the sore knees to cortisone shots in a bad ankle, to my inability to take weight off as fast as I would like it, to "KEEP FILLING IN THE BLANKS", these things are piling up and frankly scare the SHIT out of me.  I went to a Podiatrist this week to try to figure out why I am having ankle pain.  In my brain, the visit would take care of the pain and I can keep going as if it were all fine just fine.  But that didn't work.  One cortisone shot - OUCHIE FRICKIN OW!!!!! - and a big bruise later, my ankle still hurts,  I have to wear an ankle brace, I can't wear sandals, and I have to wear tennis shoes at the reception of this upcoming wedding.  (I don't think so just watch me!)  I HATE getting older and "if I knew then what I know now" - YADDA YADDA.......

3.  And last but certainly not least this week, Life Changes:

Changes as we know it affects EVERYTHING.  Family (upcoming wedding), Friends (marriages, transitions, etc), Work (BIG, BIG Changes)!  I am feeling very sad that all the changes that I am seeing before my eyes will affect very important relationships.  Those friendships are going to be different in the future no matter how hard I try to keep them the same.  Only part of that can I control.  Growing and moving and changing is a part of life.  But that doesn't mean I have to like it.  How I relate to friends, family, co-workers is changing.  I can feel it.  I can see it.  Part of me is like "well, let's see where this bronco bucks".  But another part of me is like "NO FRICKIN WAY -  HOLD ON TO THAT ROPE LADY AND RIDE IT".  I think I can't hold on as tight as I think I can and the rope is burning my palm.  I am not the same person I was two years ago.  I am not the same friend.  I am not the same mother.  I am not the same wife.  So does that mean that children, friends, and spouse are going to go "WHAT THE FRUCK?"  Maybe......  I do know that I am frustrated by it.  Probably I over think it.  (But in the wisdom of P!NK - "I THINK YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT").  What once was a comfortable interaction is disjointed and staccato.  I am not sure it is possible to go back.  Should we go back?  Should we embrace the change and keep morphing?  Will the beast at the end be something that I can live with?  I probably just need to hang on and see.  But that requires patience and BOY HOWDY....do I SUCK at that!

So that's it for the week.  It really is confusing and isn't code.  I just needed to get it out there.  What I realized after all the typing this week is that I am SAD.  S-A-D - SAD!  And some people think that is a bad thing.  The sadness helps me to process and it isn't a bad thing.  I think that is how I am coping with CHANGE:  Getting older, relationship morphing, and brain fill.  CHANGE -- MOTHER FRUCKIN' CHANGE!!!!