Happy Sunday - Coffee Drinkers and Tea Sippers

It has been an eventful week since I have written down my thoughts and ideas in this space.

From wedding dress fitting adventures to dog vaccine crisis and throw in a couple extremely crabby-filled days, it has been a roller coaster.

Bailey and I ventured to Cedar Rapids and met up with the future in-laws for a wedding dress extravaganza.  Kara and her sister were way more patient than I think I would have been.  Kara looked beautiful in every dress that she tried.  And she found the one that works.........I won't post it here, because my amazing son doesn't want to see the dress until the day of......But trust me it is beautiful.  It was an emotional day for all and as you can see Emily was a little "verklempt" because her baby looked so beautiful.

A Mother-Daughter moment

Emily and I had fun looking at some of the ugly Mother of the "__________" dresses.  She and I will be life long friends and I am so happy that she and I enjoy each other's company.

Before this adventure, I took our dogs in for their annual Spring vaccines and check ups.  The vet (who we really like normally and does a great job with our little girls) talked me in to a Liptrospirosis vaccine.  So I did it.  Got everything else done and headed home.  Within 45 minutes, Zoe's head swelled to twice it's size, she had hives, and was having problems breathing.  (Too stressed to take pictures of her. ) Rushed her back to the vet, where they gave her a steroid shot and an antihistamine shot.  Poor thing.  She looked miserable and then was very, very loopy.  This was all close to about 8:00 pm by the time we got it all wrapped up (the time the vet closes).  About two hours later, Stella starts her reaction to the vaccine.  She started itching and her eyes were watering and she was hacking/coughing.  So we rushed her to the Vet emergency room at ISU in Ames and they took great care of her and did the same thing with the steroids and the antihistamine and sent us on our way.  That night Stella got worse.  She wouldn't sleep, seemed to be having a reaction to the antihistamines (kind of like when a kid has the opposite reaction to benedryl and it makes them hyper).  I was up all night with her.  The next morning, I took her back to the vet; was very tired so very grumpy with the vet and they kept her for observation.  She wouldn't walk on her back legs.  So this mommy automatically goes to neurological damage.  They called me Friday afternoon and said "she seems to be fine it was a reaction to the antihistamine" - I picked her up.  NOT fine.....FAR from fine.  So we kept watch through another night and I had to head to Cedar Rapids the next morning.  Curtis ended up taking her back to the vet AGAIN on Saturday.  They kept her again -- no diagnosis -- but since she was not eating or drinking at this point, they gave her fluids and another steroid shot.  Still not doing well when I got back Saturday night.  This whole story DOES have a happy ending.  By Sunday afternoon, she was back to some what of her old self.  She finally started eating and playing little bit.  WHEW!  Feel like we dodge a bullet.  Advice to little dog owners reading this.......do research on any vaccine before they want you to get it done.

Zoe on Sunday -- three days after the incident and she looks MUCH better

Chihuahuas are sensitive to different things any way.  I think this just reaffirmed that I will say "no thank you let me wait" next time until I can get my ducks in a row.  Side note - they are supposed to go back for a three week booster  - NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

This weekend we are in Spencer for a friends' child's wedding.  It was beautiful and very emotional.  I miss seeing my Kathy and all the folks that were all there supporting KK.

Great job with those boys by the way.  Grown up into incredible men.

The week rounded out with complete crabbiness that I can't shake.  I am not sure where it is coming from, but it needs to go away.  Meditation hasn't helped.  Alcohol helps temporarily.  I hope it is just some biorhythms thing and I will move out of it next week.  We will see.  Have a great one y'all and catch ya later.

NOT GUILTY!

This week has SUCKED!  I can't even begin to tell you the Crabby Sucky Mood that I have been in.

It all began when I received the following information for a Sexual Assault Trial.  Make sure you go to the link and read it from first sentence to last paragraph.  Then I read this article regarding the last part of the trial.  Again, make sure you read it from first sentence to last paragraph.  And then here is the verdict.  Again, please read beginning to end.  The context of the rest of this RANT will not work unless you are immersed in the details of this case.

By the time I get to the second sentence of the first article, my blood is boiling.  The brutality of the perpetrator and the indifference of the system is amazingly sickening.  I can not understand how a jury of 12 people can listen to the evidence relayed in these two articles and say not guilty.  NOT GUILTY?  Since when does consensual sex leave a laceration injury completely to the pelvic bone?  It makes me physically sick to think about the pain this victim went through.  The defendant and the victim both testified that she said "NO".  Even though the Iowa Code is very specific about what constitutes a "NO".  It doesn't matter, they both testified that she said NO.

And the so called EXPERT said that "NO REALLY MEANS YES".   WHAT THE FUCK??????  In what instance does NO MEAN YES?  Give me an example of NO means YES!  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????????

Okay - breathe.......As an advocate, I am not naive enough to think that the criminal justice system works.  It is my experience that in sexual assault cases it very RARELY works.  Statistics show that less than 5% of perpetrators of sexual assault NATIONWIDE actually spend any time in jail.  I get that.  I  HATE IT, but I get it.  So to hear a case as blatant as this one fit the mold of what we know to be true about sexual assault.  The victim's behavior......the perpetrator's behavior........law enforcement's........medical professions.......it goes on and on and on.  TEXTBOOK!!!!

When I worked directly with victims and as I taught future victim advocates, I stressed that we have to send a very confusing message:  Victim's need to report the assault that happens to them.....but at the same time we have to tell them that even though you report, and go through all the humiliation and pain of the report (just after you were BRUTALLY RAPED), you must find a way to heal from this trauma in spite of the flaws of the judicial system and all the breakdowns that come from that.  I wish I could say that for every case like this there are 4 success stories (some credible statistic); but I CAN'T.

So what do we do as a society?  How should juries be more educated about victimization, trauma and perpetrator behavior.  I think it has to come from the entire communities that we live in.  GET OVER YOURSELVES and the thought that 'this can't happen to me because I make better choices'.  Or.....this is the rare case because the real perpetrator is the pedophile registered next door or the stranger that jumps out of the bushes on the trail when I am running.  The real perpetrator is the person we know -- the relative that has been perpetrating generation after generation after generation and the family system that enables it to continue with secrecy and protection.  The real perpetrator is the acquaintance that "parties" with you and forces you by holding you in a chair and then pushing you to the floor and tearing up your insides from the forced sex.  The real perpetrator is the husband that forces his wife to have sex because the alternative choice is a kick to the stomach or the head.

Hard words to read?  Imagine what she is going through?

GENDERCIDE -- it really isn't just happening in other countries (see my previous post entitled WAR ON HUMANITY).  The gendercide happening here is more covert.  The "life sentence" that this victim received will be the permanent damage from the physical assault of the rape.  It will be the flashbacks and memories FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE!  It will be a life sentence of trauma recovery.  Can she heal and "FORGET ABOUT IT (don't fucking get me started on therapist that do 'just forget about it' therapy)?  Absolutely - and I am confident that because she has survived this long, she will be able to do that - she is STRONG.  But it will affect decisions and choices she makes for the rest of her life.  It affects who she chooses for a partner.  It affects her decisions regarding having children.  It affects her career choices.

As I am writing this, I then get a notice from a local news station (cuz that's how I get my information overload) regarding the verdict for a local (here in DM on another college campus) sexual abuse trial.  YEAH!  A victory in a very brutal sexual assault trial.  Are these two cases different?  Yes.  While I am ecstatic that there is a verdict of GUILTY in a sexual assault trial.  I wonder if the verdict would have been the same had the victim been female.  The victims were put on trial in both cases.  Their sexual history, their behavior prior to the assault(s) and decisions THEY made.

This is where the rant comes in.  Our system has all these things put in place to protect the rights of the defendant - I understand why that is important.  But what about the rights of the victim?  When will those become MORE important in ALL jurisdictions (not just 'educated and informed jurisdictions' but ALL) than the rights of the defendant?  When (OH MY GOD WHEN) will we hold people truly accountable for their behaviors?

So I have a question for the jurors of the BVU case?  What if this happened to your daughter?  Your sister?  Your mother?  Or for those six women sitting on the jury, YOU?  Would your decision be the same?  Or is this your way of protecting yourself?  Because if you find this monster (by the way the celebration in the hallway AFTER the fact  - so much so that the defense attorney had to tell him to go home!! - that should tell anybody involved or following this case the real answer - OMFG) guilty, then you have to admit to yourself that this could happen to you or to your loved one.  You can't then blame it on the decisions or choices made leading up to the assault.  Is that what this comes down to?

Next week has GOT to be a better week!

Dreary Saturday Morning Coffee Ponderings

The warm liquid is a welcome blessing this morning on this dreary damp day.  I recall the weather guy last night saying that by mid-morning it will be sunny and beautiful.  It looks like a thick cloud layer this morning may thwart any outside plans that I had.  I am not going to complain however (except for having to click the furnace on this morning - BRRRrrrr) because the moisture is a blessing and we need it.

Two themes this week - CHANGE and COMPLETION.

Completion first - my first semester of going back to school wraps up this week.  I look back to 16 weeks ago when it started and think - "whew" and "that wasn't so bad".  I think I said that right after childbirth too.  YIKES!  But the first few weeks seemed very hectic and I couldn't get into the groove.  It seemed I was always stumbling and frantic to get the assignments done and submitted by the deadline.  BTW - all the courses were online.  However, as the semester kept going, it seemed to be a little easier for me.  And I believe if I recall many people said that it would be that way.  So "you all were right".  As I finish up this week (hopefully have it all done by the weekend), I think I will be a straight A student which hasn't happened since HIGH SCHOOL!  Maybe we should all wait to go to school until we are well into our 40s.  Probably not reasonable huh?  I have discovered in this process that I am not sure I could take an actual classroom class at this point.  I am sure there are things that are lost in translation between the online chat and what the other students are submitting for assignments, but I think I may be too old and impatient to sit in a classroom and hear some of the comments, attitudes and ideas of the younger students.  Patience!  Praying for patience!

Another completion is that Miss Bailey graduates from DMACC this next week.  Wednesday night we will all converge on Wells Fargo Arena (yeah - the arena) for the largest graduating class from DMACC in their history.  She has done very well in her community college experience and we are proud of her.  We attended her last vocal concert last night where she had a solo and did such a good job.  Curtis videotaped it so watch Facebook and/or here for a post when it gets edited.  The next process is under way for her.  Job interview next week and hopefully she can secure a FT job while she tries to save some money to finish her 4 year degree.

Change (and a sort of completion) -- Today is the one year anniversary of my transition to Central Iowa.  I can't believe that it has been a year already.  Many things have happened in that year - too numerous to list here - however in the big picture they all have been positive.  While this sort of thing is always a challenge, it was definitely the CORRECT decision for me and for my family.  It amazes me that the process started October 2010 after a little journey to a spiritual place in North Carolina.  After that retreat, I knew that I needed to make a big change in my life.  And four months later the transition began.

So now there is a new job, a new house, a new life -- that sounds KIND OF like a Michael Buble song (sexy, sexy man - in a nerdy sort of way) - and I'm feeling GOOD.

So back to typing my last film class journal and studying for my Intro to Human Services (that still makes me laugh) final.  I have missed posting here -- sorry for the delays.  I will have more time this Summer.  I decided not to take any classes this Summer -- many reasons, but most of all I am looking to transition to USD online courses sooner than a graduation from DMACC maybe.  Don't want to go through the motions of getting that degree from DMACC and then not everything transfers.  Colleges seem to like to do that for some reason.  So off this summer and back at it this fall finishing up at either DMACC or USD.

Have a great day y'all and I want to share with you something that brought me immense joy this week.  Take a quick five minutes and watch the video of Sophia Grace and Rosie meeting Nicki Minaj on Ellen. Those two little girls have so much energy and "WOO HOO"ness that I hope it is never squelched by any one.  My favorite part is the reactions of the parents because they know what this means to them to meet their idol.  And I LOVE Nicki Minaj.  Watch and laugh -- and have JOY today!

Where have you been.........

It has been a little while since I posted.  I know.....I know.

But I am in my last week before finals of this first semester.  What a whirlwind! And I really haven't had a whole lot to talk about.  I think my previous post/rant/b&$ch about some men and their oppression of women, I just spent all my words and energy.  

I have a new topic rolling around in my brain so hopefully it will decide to pop out on Saturday morning while I am having my coffee intake.  

Catch ya all later!

Not a war on women - A war on humanity!

Just when I said I am going to change the name because I don't really rant on Rho's Rants.  Here comes one bubbling up from the bottoms of my feet.  And I am pissed about it.  I was going to title this "Conception Begins at Erection" (Curtis laughed and asked where I had heard that?  I MADE IT UP because that is how ridiculous all of this sounds to me), but that isn't really what this is about.

Just calling what is going on by old, white, legislators a "war on women" is wrong.  Let's call it what it is -- A WAR ON HUMANITY.  And if we are not paying attention, we will be the boiled frog.  You know what I am talking about?  The adage that if you put a frog in boiling water, they will jump out immediately. But if you put that same frog in a pot with water that just keeps getting hotter and hotter that it will cook to death before it realizes that it is in the heat.  THAT is what this feels like to me.

Here are some examples I came across this week that I felt were "worthy" to share:

Wisconsin repealed the Equal Pay State Legislation that makes it illegal in the state of Wisconsin to pay a woman a different rate than a man for the same work.  The argument by the governor is that there are federal laws that take care of that.  I know doing the work that I have done for many years, that while federal legislation is great, state laws have more merit when it comes to follow through and prosecution.

Another example from this week is a question and answer session with Virginia House Speaker Howell.  It is apparent in the video (link above) that he is uncomfortable with her line of questioning and instead of answering her questions he starts to belittle her. Telling her that he must use "littler words so she can understand him".  I call douche bag!

Arizona just passed a law signed by Governor Brewer that life "begins two weeks before conception".  That doesn't even make scientific sense.  But we probably shouldn't let science get in the way of this intelligent discussion huh?  That might have too many big words in it for our wee little brains to handle.

I could go ON and ON and ON and ON with examples, but they really serve no purpose other than to make me very upset and illustrate how the heat is being turned up and we are going to be boiled alive.

I am currently reading a book called Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women.  The link is the NY Times review.  The title comes from a proverb that says WOMEN and GIRLS hold up "HALF THE SKY" in the world.  But their point is that in countries where women are oppressed - sold into slavery - sexual or labor, there will likely be more incidents of war, famine, and poverty.  As the review states, the book starts off with:

          “Gendercide,” the daily slaughter of girls in the developing world, steals more lives in any given decade “than all the genocides of the 20th century.”


That line alone blew me out of the water.  We focus so much on the casualties of war, but pay no attention to these victims around the world that are sold at the tender young ages of 7, 8, 9 - not exaggerating.  The families of these young girls are told that they are going to be "working" in fruit markets or as housekeepers and then they get to the city and are forced to have sex with men and the money stays with the person (usually a woman) that purchased them.  Why the girls?  They have young boys too?  Why are they not sold?  The authors so eloquently (better than me) point out that "girl's don't matter".  They are "less than" so it makes it easier to sell them.  GENDERCIDE!


The book spends a lot of time talking about maternal birth rates and poverty and how we as a "civilized" country do nothing about these world atrocities.  That millions of girls just "disappear" each year and we do nothing about it.


So HERE is where my rant comes in.  We spend so much time arguing pro-choice, pro-life, pro-abortion, pro-WHATEVER!  Can we please spend as much time working on even addressing the issue of the GENDERCIDE?  Informing the world about this war on humanity?  


But it leads to me to make the connection between the poverty rates in the United States that mostly affect women and children and this increased pressure on women to "conform" to standards of ridiculousness.  The ridiculous "vaginal ultrasounds" before a woman can have an abortion.  The expectation that everyone that has to make this AWFUL choice is having a party and celebrating is completely and utterly WRONG!  I will state right now, that I don't believe in abortion.  I DO believe that a person has a right to choose what happens with their bodies.  I DO believe that this medical procedure is currently legal in the United States.  And God help you if you Mr. Gray Haired White Man would ever have to make this life changing decision.  Judgement is not yours!


The fight going on in the Senate right NOW with the Reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act - This should be a bipartisan NO BRAINER.  But it has turned into a political mine field and threatens the lives of so many women, children, and men.  Iowa's own Senator Grassley is in the fore-front of this fight and on the wrong side in my opinion.  It has become ridiculously political.


Okay - my brain is calming down.  Mostly because I am on medication for a terrible ear ache and now I am just tired.   What do I want you to do?  

• Read this book.  It is amazing and eye opening and disturbing and inspirational
• GET INFORMED! Not just from one news source.  In fact - not news at all - read alternate websites, books that have scientific research on the matter, and form your own opinions.
• Speak out
• MOST OF ALL VOTE!  Women can not stay home this election year.  We must ascend on the polls as if there is a revolution

Speaking of REVOLUTION!  That coming together of all women would have those White Haired Old Men shitting themselves on a daily basis.  Don't let them convince you that REVOLUTION isn't sexy or REVOLUTION isn't lady like or REVOLUTION is angry.  I AM F&$CKING ANGRY!  So let's get it started!  REVOLUTION!


AND DON'T BE A BOILING FROG!  The water is getting HOT!  JUMP MY FRIENDS!  JUMP!!!!!!

A new look

If you are a regular (really?....I am sorry!  There are more exciting things) you likely noticed that I have changed things up a little bit.  My background was a bit boring so I changed up the display.  I also changed me blog name.  Instead of Rho's Rants -- that seems to have a negative energy to it - I have decided to call it "Living a Joy-Filled Life".  That energy feels better.  And I think that I wasn't "ranting" as much as sharing with all of you.  I apologize if it has been too much some times.  So mucho bueno.

Two day headache is finally gone this morning.  I know that it was a sinus and tension headache combination, but I slept many hours yesterday and couldn't get it to go away.  Finally after 800mg of ibuprofen and another good nights sleep it has disappeared.  I think this little additive helped  a lot.

Chili's marketing persuaded me to try this.  Normally, I love their margaritas.  I didn't like this one.  :(  Their gimmick of the upside down bottle is just that.  A tiny bottle of Corona that should inject itself into the margarita as your drinking it but it didn't.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I drank it all, but won't likely order it again.  So it was likely the ibuprofen and some more sleep that finally did it, but the picture looks cool.

We have another busy week at the Dean ranch.  All the kids are coming home for a weekend.  As they get older it is so much harder to do that.  But fingers crossed cause Jordan isn't here yet, but I think we are going to make it happen.  So a bit of grilling, some games, and fun will be had by all.  I love my adult children.  Why can't kids go from 5th grade directly to 25?  It would make everyone's life (including their own) easier.  But I don't think it is supposed to be that way.  God gives us teenagers so we will want them to all leave the house at 18.  All the trials and tribulations have been worth it as they are amazing adults.

School wraps in about two weeks.  YEAH TWO WEEKS!  This first semester was a learning experience for me.  Not just the obvious book learning element, but an experience about my patience and organization of time.  My patience with the fact that I have to go through the motions with a couple of these classes.  For example, my writing class is about business writing - the How To Do Business Letters, etc - I do that every day at work and have been able to use some of my work stuff to satisfy assignments.  However, I get a bad attitude about it.  I get impatient and forget that I just have to go through the motions and do all the requirements.  So now I just two weeks of that.  Oh yeah and finals!  YIKES!  But again, just have to go with the it and take it one class and one day at a time.

That doesn't make me any less exhausted some days - thus a tension headache.  I think that I am a pretty active middle age person that can juggle many things.  It has been a taxing few months.  I have given up some of my favorite activities to get this done - camping in front of the TV for hours, etc.  But I just have to remember this is temporary.  I can do anything for a short period of time.  But I think Zoe expressed it the best.  Laying in the sun just chilling.  I want to do that!  But give me a beach chair, a fun beverage, and a cabana boy - okay don't need the boy part - but a book (not school work) would be great.

Til next time Joy Filled Readers!  Laugh at least once a day this next week please.  GIGGLING releases a natural endorphin chemical in your brain-- GIGGLE AWAY!

End of a Girls' Weekend

What a whirlwind!  After getting to know each other a little bit on Friday night, it was time for bed to gear up for our busy Saturday.

Saturday morning we all slowly got up, ate some breakfast and then got ready for our shopping trip to Jordan Creek Mall.

Marissa, Quinn, Kiona, and Hannah - getting ready to leave

I told them to "act silly"

The two older girls helped me very much this weekend - thanks ladies!

I like to call these two -- Woo Hoo Girls in Training!

Bailey is helping me with the shopping task - Thanks Bailey

So we started at Trader Joes for me and then headed to TJ Max for Bailey.  Then off to the mall. 

Kiona got one of her new birthday presents.

Quinn and her new outfit

Kiona the fashionista - had to make sure that mom approved of the skirt

We spent quite a long time in the Justice store.  Not one of my favorite stores, but the girls love it.  Then we went to Claires - Again - #2 on my least favorite store.  But they did want to go to Barnes and Nobles so that was a redemption for a little bit.

After about 4 hours the girls were exhausted and wanted to head home.  So we went back home with all of our new clothes, new shoes, books, and craft supplies.

After a short little rest to rejuvenate, craft time started.  The first project was to decorate acrylic picture frames for each one of them to keep.  We had stickers, jewels and ribbons.  The girls did a great job.

The next project was creating braided keychains......Bailey was the leader here and helped each girl braid and put together their project.

After crafts were complete (except for some extra braiding by Bailey), it was time to go outside and do some energy releasing activities.  Walking on the trails, hula hoops, etc.  Lots of energy - we could solve all energy problems if we could harness that stuff.

The four lasses were energetic and amazing and tired and tiring.  But, that is completely what I planned during this weekend.  I think by the end of the weekend, they were ready to go home and have some routine too.

I know that we will do it again.  I love girls this age.  I love their giggles, their creativity, and their innocence.  I cherish them as a the young women they will grow up to be.